…I ain’t all that…

You hear something from one source, you take it or leave it…a second source begins to grab your attention.  When you hear something four times from four different sources in the matter of a week’s time…it’s probably something to pay attention to.  So, I guess I need to own up to the fact I self-deprecate too much.  In filling in for Darryl the last couple of weeks, it became apparent to several people…and either through Julie, directly or through another person, I’ve been given the message – I’m too hard on myself.  To be honest, I had to stop and think about it…then had to listen to the recording of my sermons.  Yep there it was…”hope to live up to your low-expectations,” “you’ll have to settle for me”…and a few others.

Got the latest couple of remarks about putting myself down yesterday…spent a lot of prayer time today on it…I mean it is a bit ironic (and by ironic I mean hypocritical) the guy telling everyone we have been given ALL things for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), is saying such things about himself.  It goes to show how some things can be deeply rooted internally – we HAVE to have supernatural power to reshape and remold the damaged self-images we carry.

My fear of rejection, desire to please, fear of failure and all the other baggage I carry comes out without thought, I truly wasn’t aware how much it did until I listened to myself.  I know through the power of Jesus’ blood I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17), and I am accepted unconditionally (Jeremiah 31:3, John 1:12, Hosea 2:19-20)…I know yet I doubt.  Lord, “I believe; help my unbelief!”  (Mark 9:24).

I carry the memory of several significant rejections through my life…but I can’t blame those for the decisions I make today.  Sure they helped shape me, but I still make the choices.  So today I choose to surrender…time for more chiseling.  Sometimes I wonder if the chisel ever gets dull, God seems to use it a lot.

All of us struggle with something…it might not be fear of rejection…but it’s something – you can’t deny it, I’ve spoken with most of you.  It’s not someone else’s fault, it’s our choices that we live with what we live with.  We can’t push the blame off on anyone else.  We need to shift our focus off of the blaming and to the healing…to the Great Physician, to the Comforter.  He is there with us and has given us everything we need…we just need to let Him move in us.

(May this be your prayer as well as mine)

I am yours.  I want to be the clay in your hands.  Shape me, mold me.  When I am weak, remind me to let you be my strength.  I know you have already given me everything I need to walk in Your ways, to be Your disciple, to be Your ambassador.

When I stumble, when I doubt, bring Your Word to my mind.  Remind me I have joy, patience, self-control and all of the other pieces of the fruit You have given me.

Holy Spirit, I want you to run wild in my life – wreak havoc with my old thoughts, teach me to see myself as a new creation in all things.  Remind me of the promise that I am Yours – beloved and a joint heir.

Whatever you ask of me I submit myself to, knowing I will have to rely on Your strength to accomplish Your work.

Thank you, for everything –
In Jesus Name

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.  (Galatians 1:10)

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy.  I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. (Hosea 2:19-20)

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:1)

2 thoughts on “…I ain’t all that…

  1. I’m like this, or at least I was. I’m getting better at not putting myself down. When I revived my blog I was doing it. In my about I was saying things like I’m not a very good writer, and who knows what else..my about has “evolved.” though. I realized it had to. I had to. This season I have to be braver and bolder, and stop believing the lies. My brother in law said recently “I’m liking assertive Tina” lol…well I kind of think this is the real Tina, she just got squashed, squelched, and fearful, and God is healing that, among other things.

    Liked by 1 person

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